my current feelings

 hi everybody!

first of all, i'm gonna fess up...i've been totally neglecting this blog for a bit now, and we'll get into the reason why soon enough.

truthfully, i am someone who is uncomfortable with the idea of feeling feelings. as someone who has mdd and having been depressed for so much of my life, it honestly scares me when i start to feel things that aren't positive.

this is one of the main reasons why i crave love! as cringey as it may sound, romantic love is one of the only feelings i have truly felt happiness in. now this doesn't mean i'm totally boy crazy or anything, because i truthfully am not, but it just correlates to me feelings 10 times worse when said feeling goes away.

the reason i haven't been on my blog much recently is because i was talking to a boy. or at least i thought i was.

i really thought this guy was into me and it truly seemed like he was flirting with me, so i decided to continue talking to him to see where things went. i knew him from school, but he switches schools so i didn't see him in person much anymore, and it was exciting to me that we were back in touch, because i had a fat crush on him a few years ago.

i mean, even this guy's best friend (who i work with) was insinuating that we had a flirty relationship.

we then were texting and got to the topic of snap streaks, to which he said, "oh yeah, i only have one streak with my gf."

lol. pardon?

when i tell you i was looking at my screen like this...

are we serious??

so yeah it literally made my heart drop. i swiftly decided i don't wanna keep talking to him, not even because i'm upset he has a girlfriend, but because i genuinely felt like the way me and him were talking was disrespectful to her.

if you're this guys girlfriend i am SO sorry. i for 1 will not attempt to take your man in any fashion, and 2 REALLY hope you find someone who doesn't act like he's single.

moral of the story, never trust a man.

but the better moral of the story is that we don't need relationships for validation and that everyone single (and not) is in her prime era and is FLAWLESS no matter what anyone else makes you feel. be happy because you want to be.

- quote of the mood of course!

xoxo,

breakers